What do parents want most out of parenting? Could we agree that most parents want their children to grow, develop, flourish, thrive, and reach their full potential? Well, how can we help our children achieve full potential?
Through connection.
Parenting is about connection. It is about connecting with our children now, here, in the present moment. It is about recognizing the opportunities for connection during happy moments and challenging moments. How we connect or how we celebrate happy moments or address challenging moments not only determines the quality of the parent-child relationship but also shapes the child’s mental health. When parenting relies on a “to-do” list or fear and control, the relationship is not a secure or safe place. And this drives disconnection.
Challenges, though uncomfortable and difficult, are perfect opportunities for growth and connection. These are the opportunities to connect through presence: emotional and physical presence. A calm, nurturing tone of voice, curiosity, and non-judgmental listening, allowing children to share their feelings and explore their experiences, creates a safe emotional and physical bond for mental well-being.
Siegal and Payne Bryson (2011) offer simple and effective ways to approach parenting and child struggles in their book, The Whole-Brain Child that foster connection. One approach would be to Connect and Redirect (Siegal & Payne Bryson, 2011). This simply means connecting with your child emotionally and not dismissing their feelings before redirecting them to more appropriate behavioral responses to struggles.
Allow parenting to be about connecting with your children in a safe environment that fosters social emotional growth and mental well-being. Understanding your children and responding effectively to moments of struggle builds the foundation for them to self-explore, become self-aware, and reach their life goals.
Siegal, D. J., & Payne Bryson, T. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child. Bantam Books
Vivian Rendas, LCPC, sees clients out of Centennial Counseling Center’s St. Charles office.
