“I’m bored!”
You said it when you were a kid, and maybe you still do. I’ll bet your kids say it too, especially if you try to limit screen time.
In my work with young adults, many find it difficult to tolerate boredom. Clients who struggle with substance use told me it is hardest to abstain when they’re bored.
Why do we struggle so much with being bored, and how do we change it?
If you’re of a “certain age” you remember life before the internet, iPhones, tablets, maybe even cable tv. Back then, when we said, “I’m bored,” our moms told us to go outside, read a book, or she threatened, “If you can’t find something to do, I’ll find something for you to do.” In short, we were expected to figure it out, or we’d be doing chores around the house.
Today, our kids’ lives are heavily programmed. School, organized sports teams and lessons, play dates, and screen time involving games and social media. Most kids have little opportunity to learn to cope with feeling bored. As a result, we rob them of important skill development. Adults struggle with boredom as well. How many of us immediately grab our phones when we have a minute or two of downtime, which often turns into an hour or two of wasted time? (My hand is raised too!)
Benefits of Boredom
According to psychiatrist Dr. Ashok Seshardri of the Mayo Clinic, our brains need rest. Like any other organ in our bodies, our brains need downtime after working hard. During this rest, the brain processes memories and encodes new information. It might be helpful to think of boredom as rest for our brains.
This kind of rest allows us to be creative. Our minds are free to engage in “stream of consciousness” thinking; whatever pops up, pops up. During this time, we often think of answers to problems we’ve been trying to solve. It’s why some people say they do their best thinking in the shower, where there are no distractions, and they can think freely.
Boredom allows us time to regulate emotions and develop self-control. Kids need time to practice being bored and to tolerate it. By doing so, they will learn to self-regulate and exhibit self-control. If parents resist the temptation to solve their child’s boredom, he or she will learn to solve it for themselves. It may be difficult at first, but it is worth the short-term pain for the long-term gain.
Ideas for Building Boredom Skills
Good ways of practicing boredom involve limiting time on electronic devices and purposely planning some downtime.
Tune In by Tuning Out
Eliminate distractions like phones and be present in the moment, using your senses. For example, go for a walk and notice as much as you can. What do you see, hear, smell, and feel?
Put Your Phone Down
Enhance your connection with others by putting your phone or other devices away for a time. If you’re out with friends, leave your phone in your bag or pocket. Some families choose to have “Phone Down Friday” where everyone puts away their devices. Instead, they do another activity together, like family game night.
Create a Bored Jar
Help your kids learn to figure out how to handle boredom by creating a Bored Jar. Collaborate with your kids to generate ideas for what they could do when they’re bored. Read a book, bake cookies, paint, play outside, or write a story. Avoid screen time as an option. Then have your kids write them on strips of paper and put them in the jar. The next time they say, “I’m bored,” direct them to the jar to pull out a strip.
Have fun coming up with ideas on how to cope with boredom. As you flex your boredom muscle, you may feel more at peace and more connected with those you love. You may notice things you’ve been missing. So rest a bit and bask in the boredom!
Krista McDunn, MA, LCPC, sees clients out of Centennial Counseling Center’s St. Charles office.
